The subject of whether or not males and females have distinct sexuality experiences dates back centuries. Since the dawn of recorded history, people have operated under the presumption that men and women have fundamentally distinct sexual orientations. However, beginning in the 1970s, when feminism and other civil rights movements began to gain traction, attitudes began to shift in the opposite direction. It was believed that the influence of society was to blame for any sexual distinctions that existed between men and women. These preconceptions are being called into question by more recent research, which suggests that men and women may in fact have different sexual experiences.
Note: Affiliate links may be used in this post. I may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you if you use my affiliate link. Full disclosure policy here.
Table of Contents
What exactly is sexuality?
The phrase “sexuality” refers to many different things, including how we understand our bodies, sex, and relationships.
That being the case, contrary to the widespread belief, sexuality entails a great deal more than simply identifying as “gay” or “straight.” One component of your sexuality is your sexual orientation, but that’s not all it is.
The following are some other aspects that contribute to the formation of your sexuality:
- assigned sex at birth and the gender you were socialized as
- gender identity sexual and romantic orientations
- values and beliefs around sex, as well as those you were raised to have
- libido, interest in sex, and physiological and physical signs of desire and arousal
- kinks, fetishes, and sexual preferences
- relationship to your own physicality, sexuality, and sensual pleasures
- traumatic experiences from the past sexual encounters
What exactly do we mean when we talk about men and women?
When people ask, “How are men and women different sexually?” (or something similar), they are usually referring to cisgender women and men, which means they are talking explicitly about persons whose given sex at birth aligns with their gender identity.
SEX ≠ GENDER It is said of a person that they are cisgender if their biological gender corresponds with the one they were given at birth. For instance, a person is considered to be cisgender if they were born with a vagina, were given the female gender at birth, then later on in life decided to identify as a woman. When a person's assigned sex at birth is NOT in alignment with their gender, that person may be considered transgender, nonbinary, or agender, to name just a few alternative gender identities. Another possibility is that they do not identify with either male or female. For instance, a person who is categorized as male at birth but subsequently comes to identify themselves as something other than solely male or exclusively as a man may fall somewhere else on the spectrum of gender expression.
For the sake of this text, when we talk about “men,” we are referring to everyone who identifies as a male, including cisgender and transgender men.
And, when we say women, we’re talking about all women, meaning cisgender and transgender women. Insights into the experiences of non-binary people and those who do not conform to traditional gender norms will also be included.
The findings of the research
Regrettably, the vast majority of the research conducted on this subject exclusively examines cisgender males and cisgender women. Gender nonbinary and gender nonconforming people are not included at all in any of the studies.
Curious by the findings of these research, despite the fact that you are aware they could benefit from being more inclusive in some ways. The gist of it is as follows.
In contrast to cisgender women, cisgender men are more likely to:
show a greater desire in sexual activity, attribute a greater degree of hostility to sexuality, place less emphasis on commitment in their sexual relationships, experience greater levels of stagnancy and less adaptability in their sexual orientation, and so on.
On the other hand, and this point cannot be stressed enough, this does not imply that cisgender guys are automatically and unavoidably all of these things. Both nature and culture have a significant effect in the sexual behavior of people.
Men and women are socialized differently and confront different cultural expectations surrounding sex. This can affect when, how, how frequently, and with whom they have sex. Men and women are socialized differently and face different cultural expectations regarding sex.
The anatomy you were born with can have an effect on your sexuality
Why? Because the mechanics of having sex and how one arrives at an orgasmic state are going to be different for each person.
Those born with vulvas are more likely to experience several orgasms, in comparison to people who were born with penises.
In addition, the refractory period is longer for people who have penises as opposed to those who do not have them.
There are still a lot of parallels in how persons of different biological sexes feel their sexuality.
And your gender does, too
People who have been socialized as ladies are typically trained to have a far lower tolerance for sexual activity as compared to people who have been cultured as boys.
Although the specific culture, religion, and society in which you were raised will determine the specific messages you receive, it is common for boys to learn that masturbation is acceptable and that having sex with as many people as possible increases their level of coolness. Girls, on the other hand, are more likely to be taught that it is inappropriate to have sexual relations with more than one person at a time.
In the meantime, women are typically instructed that masturbating is unclean and that sexual activity should be postponed until marriage.
Culturally, manhood is in part constructed on fostering unrestricted sexuality but womanhood is centered on denying or suppressing it. The term “sexual double standard” is frequently used to allude to this phenomenon.
Even while this looks to have favorable effects for men, it also has the potential to have adverse effects. It leads to men being shamed for having fewer sexual partners or experiences, it encourages men to take more sexual risks, and it ignores men’s emotional needs in close personal relationships. It results in men being shamed for having fewer sexual partners or experiences.
Incorrect assumptions about gender and sexuality need to be corrected
You undoubtedly have a few specific questions such, “Do women love sex?” and “Do orgasms feel the same for men and women?” since you are reading this. So, let’s get into it.
Masturbation is both possible and common among people of both sexes
Masturbation is frequently portrayed as a macho activity in popular culture. However, masturbation is something that people of all ages and genders can enjoy doing, and they often do.
More needs to be done to “normalize” the act of masturbating in females.
Just as it is for boys and men, masturbation is also the way that many people who are not men first explore their sexuality, experience orgasm, and discover pleasure.
Gender isn’t what decides if someone likes sex
It is a common misconception that women do not take pleasure in sexual activity. It’s true that there are some women who aren’t interested in having sexual encounters, but this generalization is ridiculous!
The notion that males enjoy sex more than women does not stand to reason and must be dispelled. People of any gender can like and enjoy sex and people of any gender can despise sex in the same way as people of any gender can like and enjoy sex.
The fact that someone declares that they like sexual activity, in addition to whether or not they are asexual or allosexual, are significantly better indications of whether or not someone enjoys sexual activity.
Everyone, regardless of gender, is capable of experiencing pleasure while engaging in sexual activity.
Even if it shouldn’t be necessary to state it, it is necessary to state it.
Women’s pleasure is an issue that has been overlooked for long periods of time culturally, as well as in sexual education. Because of this, women’s enjoyment has become less of a priority when it comes to sexual activity.
This phenomenon is referred to as the pleasure gap.
However, it is possible for women and other gender nonconforming people to enjoy themselves while playing.
A person’s age, health, and personality are some of the other characteristics that play a role in determining whether or not they experience pleasure during sexual activity.
- record of sexual activity
- dynamics of relationships in mental health care
- both a source of stress and distraction
The majority of people report that their orgasms feel the same.
Orgasm can be achieved in different ways by men and women who are cisgender who are the same gender.
But study that compared the descriptions of what an orgasm feels like given by cisgender males and cisgender women revealed that both genders gave similar replies. (The research did not conduct surveys with participants of the opposite gender.)
The following are examples of common orgasm adjectives used by both cisgender men and cisgender women:
- delightful satisfaction
- emotional closeness
- a growing sense of exhilaration that may be described as flooding, flushing, shooting, or throbbing.
The main point is it seems that people of both sexes experience feelings of sexual pleasure in a very comparable manner.
Sexual dysfunction can present itself similarly in both sexes
There are commonalities as well as distinctions between the sexual challenges faced by men, women, and people who do not adhere to either gender.
Some researches have indicated that the most prevalent sexual issue – low sexual interest — is the same across genders.
However, those who shave their pubic hair, regardless of gender, are more likely to report:
- premature orgasm
- erection problems, as well as problems with orgasming
And people of either gender who shave their vaginal hair are more likely to report the following:
- having a hard time orgasming
- vaginal dryness
- low sexual enjoyment
Things that have a greater impact on one’s sexual experience than one’s gender
There are numerous, but I will only list a handful here.
Beliefs and upbringings pertaining to culture, religion, and spirituality
The individual’s sexual conduct may be influenced by the cultural norms and religious beliefs that surround sexuality.
Many cultures and faiths only allow sex to take place under very specific circumstances. Hearing these sex-related messages that are loaded with shame can have a negative impact on a person’s sexual experience both as a teenager and as a married adult, according to the author.
Previous traumatic events
Any sort of trauma can lead to dysregulation in the neurological system, which can interfere with the physiology of sexuality and cause problems with trust and intimacy.
Some examples of trauma are as follows:
- births that are problematic
- natural catastrophes
- automobile accidents
- war \sneglect \sabuse
- sexual trauma
Sexual trauma contains additional sex-based triggers that can happen in the moment, which can result in avoidance, flashbacks, fear, or numbing in relation to sexual activity.
Wellness of the mind
The following factors can have an effect on a person’s relationship to their sexuality:
- bipolar disorder
- psychosis brought on by obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).
Stress and burnout can also disrupt sex because they alter the neurological system and hormones, which often results in a reduction in sexual desire, arousal, and pleasure.
Best books about love & sex: